"He-Man and Conan May Be Men but They Cannot Be THAT Man"

I have always tried to be a good guy. I have had a tendency be more of a bad boy. Yet years of life have shown me to be a good man. I hope one day to have been seen and remembered as a GREAT man .... or as a GRAND man as my father-in-law is now known. Ironically, he referred to me only as a Big Ugly man, but with love.

As a "man", it has been in my nature to just act as if I do not need anybody to do anything for me ...... but I am gracious enough to accept a helping hand. I have always found myself being a stellar employee at any job, even my position in hell directly under Satan herself. It was actually a mailroom and Satan was the "second-in-command", gossip-infested, diarrhea-of-the-mouth-liar. I actually believed at one point that I could not give that company the high expectations they wanted of all employees and that I would eventually be fired along with the other line of terminated suckers. To think like this was uncommon because I have been instilled with a get-it-done job mentality and never conceited to being an under-achieving employee.

After about 6 weeks, I got the hang of how things worked, incorporated my own OCD'ed work system and became a valued (yet overworked) employee. By the time my worth was evident, I was blessed with a new job with my degree in graphic arts. Adios el Diablo, I have finally found my piece of the PIE!!!!!!!

I am not getting at that I am almighty and awesome, only God is. But it is through His love and desires that I believe in being strong and resilient, only conceiting to God's arms when needing to fall out. I feel that if there is an issue, as a man, I can lend something to the situation no matter how big, little or eventually unused on my part.

Men, in general, want to feel that they are needed. We are in existance to fix things that are broken, to break things that are useless, to build things that are grand, to .... well, you get the picture. We do not understand defeat and only see our failures as lessons of growth and chances for a second attempt. What we cannot comprehend is when we are in fact not needed in anyway, shape or form.

On that note, NO, this is not an introduction to an anti-GLAAD Public Service Announcement.

This is an overworded attempt to show why, in my little mind, that I feel inadequate in the face of my wife's mourning. Her loss of her father, grevious to myself as well as anybody who knew him, is a hit that I cannot heal. I am not in existance to fix this thing that is broken, to break the chains of pain, or to build a pain-reliever.

I ache for myself but helplessly yearn to heal my wife. I cannot do anything for my wife's pain beyond prayer and concern. These two things are great to have but as a man, I am programmed to think that I can do all things I set my mind to ...... even put the toilet seat back down.

I am He-Man and I can defeat the evil forces that be. I am Superman and I can jump buildings in a single bound. I am Conan, the strongest panther of a man to brute his way through the wilderness. I am a warrior. I am a cowboy. I can inspire other men and impress many women (in a respectful way). I can build a house (but I wouldn't try to inhabitate it). I can love my wife like a man should. I can rasie my son to be another man. I can love Jesus like all real men should. I can overcome Death's grasp through the blood of Jesus. I CAN be that man.

I cannot take my wife's pain away. I cannot build, fix, disassemble or revamp any kind of contraption to alleviate my wife's suffering and mourning. I CANNOT be that man.

I can love her. I can be there for her. I can believe that Jesus will make all things right ..... in His time. I can believe more than ever that the remarkable utterance of one verse, over the past few weeks, repeatedly stated by many who do not know that anybody else has said it, is divinely interjected by God as a promise: "Joy will come in the morning" because joy will come in the mourning.